you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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