she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
