Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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