The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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