Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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