Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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