sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
