Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
