now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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