Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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