I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
