Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
4 words: hood of his car
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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