She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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