i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
