Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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