She is in my trunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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