Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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