I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize