i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
