Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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