Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
