Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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