It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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