I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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