i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
