I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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