There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
