Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
