Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
