marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
