He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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