how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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