Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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