I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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