somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
