My Higher Power is John Stamos
are you so shy because you have an std?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
