i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
