woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
