Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
