I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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