I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
