just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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