I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My first STD was from a foam party
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
