I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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