So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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