Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
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I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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