Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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