I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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