think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
