Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
