god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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