Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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