I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
