I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
