I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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