I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
