I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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