If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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