I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
