I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize