To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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