She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
