when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
