Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
